Waving flags is as patriotic as doing jumping jacks. Each is an exersize, but neither one proves that you know anything about the Constitution, the Founding Fathers, American history, or even the American present. In order to know these things, one must become exposed to the complexities of the American Experience.

Next time someone wants to wave a flag with the intention of presenting some false sense of superiority over anyone, then please ask them a few things:

1. Who were the Puritans? And in a time of such conservatism in England, why were they considered such nutjobs that they were unwelcomed in their own home? Why did the Dutch, a quite liberal society, later ask them to leave, also? Why, after returning to England, did the Puritans leave again? What are ten core beliefs of the Puritans that made so many people weary of them?

2. Quick, name ten nations that already exsisted before any Europeans arrived in what is now the contemporary United States . What forms of government did they practice? How did they sustain themselves generation after generation? Who did they trade with?

3. How many indigenous people died before 1700 as a direct result of contact with Europeans? What was the primary killing agent? If Hitler and Stalin were so bad, why aren't we taught about this in school?

4. Most likely, many of our Founding Fathers read The Magna Carta, Thomas Aquinas, Thomas Hobbes, John Locke, and Adam Smith. Those are just some of the basics. Have you read them? If not, be careful what you say about the intentions of the Founding Fathers.

5. In many ways, those who began the American Revolution and became leaders in it were essentially middle and upper-class white males who didn't want anyone in a position of power telling them what to do. They stirred the anger of those in lower positions in society to support a fight for independence without regard to anyone who was non-white, poor, or a non-English speaker. Compare and contrast some of today's political movements.

6. How long did it take to write the Constitution? How many drafts were written before it was finalized? Who were some of the most outspoken opponents of the Consitution and why? How did their views differ from the mainstream authors?

7. Name everyone who signed the consitution and tell at least five politically relevant facts about each one. Who are some of the most important Founding Fathers who never lived to see the Constitution written? What did they believe and how did they put those beliefs into practice?

Next time someone invokes the Founding Fathers or the somehow implies that he knows so much about the soul of America, ask him just one of these questions. Then you can inform him that he doesn't know as much as he thinks, and politely ask him to shut the fuck up.

Profe Cheno